I have found that grief is an awful lot like floating in an ocean.
First, the GRIEF EVENT happens and some time passes. The funeral is over. The people have gone home. The relationship is done. The papers are signed. The diagnosis settles in. Or in my case, the pregnancy is over and your arms are still empty. You are so stunned from this storm, this GRIEF EVENT, but eventually you notice that the sky is starting to clear. Then slowly, you are surprised to notice you are still floating in water. (more…)
Last night, Justin and I watched the movie “Her.” It was nominated for several awards so when it came up on our list of prospective movies, we clicked on it. While it was slightly odd and some parts of it were …um…uncomfortable, I overall enjoyed its creativity and perspective. The writing was thought provoking and the cinematography itself was beautiful. (more…)
We, as humans, like to believe we have some sense of control. You study a lot and you get into college. You work hard and you get a good job. And so it goes. Each step, we are building a road of sorts and life just keeps handing us brick after brick. And when things are going well, it is easy to start to believe the road is endless.
Until, one moment, you run out of road. (more…)
Dear my March 1 Babies,
Today I would have met you. I would have known you, of course, after carrying you in my womb for the last 40 weeks. I would have felt your kicks and squirms, and I would have laughed at your hiccups that woke me up in the middle of the night. And after knowing you in a veiled sort of way, today, I would have met you. (more…)
Thank you so much for your recent support in writing this blog. Since my last post (although it was too long ago), I have already received dozens of messages and comments about the people out there with broken pieces. I guess we are not that different, even though we have different stories.
So I will pick up the story after my “Black Friday”. (more…)
Well hello. I am the world’s most inconsitent blogger.
Well, actually, I have to tell you the truth. I really felt like I was starting to get in the swing of things, but then I had to go start writing about our infertility journey. After I got the first post out there, I think I got a little nervous about telling the rest of the story. I am not entirely sure why. It is not like all of you can come through the computer and shake your heads at me for being so open. And if you are shaking your head, this blog is probably not for you. This blog (well this part of it) is for the people that I still know are struggling with infertility. The people that don’t wake up to a smiley baby or a have a child’s drawing up on the fridge. This is for my friends who can’t tell people yet that they can’t have a baby. That is a lonely place and I just want you to know you are not alone. And even though I have a baby now, this story is as fresh as if it were happening to me all over again. In fact, the broken pieces from the pain still seems to pop up in the most unexpected places. Just know…..I get it. (more…)
Am I still alive? Yes, thankfully. I guess the reason there are not a ton of working mom blogs floating around is because the moms are all out busy working or being a mom! Since I last wrote I have been adjusting to my new hectic schedule. In this time, I applied for a promotion (and ALMOST got it!), turned 30, took a trip, remodeled our dining room to make more room for baby things, and attempted to wean Jack off of the baby swaddle. Oh, and I applied and started a second job. Am I crazy? Yes. I am in training to be a teaching assistant for the university I work for. It is a foot in the door to becoming a professor with them and the extra money will be nice. But the blog slipped lower and lower on the priority list, which ispreciselywhy I wanted to write in the first place. I never make time to be creative or reflect. The blog was supposed to be the vehicle for that. Well I will congratulate myself for even sitting here tonight. High five. (more…)