It is 11:12pm on 11/29/2015. There are 48 minutes left until her birthday.
I am sitting in the nursery that I have worked on the last few months preparing for my daughter who is due to be born in a few short months.
But tonight I am thinking about another little girl I gave my heart to one year ago today. I want so badly to type her name here. To tell you the name we gave “our” little girl. To tell you that her middle name was my Grandma’s name. I want to say her name out loud to remind myself and anyone listening that she was once a part of our family.
But she isn’t mine anymore. And it doesn’t feel right to say it out loud. (more…)
After I posted about our hospital experience, my (new) friend, Rebecca Vahle, reached out to me through my site and asked if I would be her guest on her radio show, Adoption Perspectives.
I was thrilled to hear from her because I already knew of her! During my prep for the hospital experience, I was reading and listening to anything I could get my hands on. Rebecca was a guest on a podcast I listened to and she discussed the importance of making a hospital plan before the birth in an open adoption. Although our facilitator was already doing that with us, listening to Rebecca speak about her experiences during this emotional time really prepared our family for our own experience. She founded the Family to Family Support Network. Their mission statement is:
Empowering healthcare workers and families through adoption education, support and community connection.(more…)
I have been looking forward to this day. As much as I have loved the journey of documenting this adoption story, I am ready to write the last page. It is one of my favorite pages of this story because it includes you all- my beautiful community that surrounded us in the blackest night.
Have you read the first 7 posts in this series? If not, I would recommend that you stop and get caught up. If you subscribe to my email list, you will get my posts right in your inbox. I want to say a huge THANK YOU to all of you who have shared my blog. I have received countless messages from men and women all over the country and have connected with some families who have gone through something similar. Thank you for helping me share this story.
In my last post, we had just given BabyG back to her birthmom and became a family of three once again.
I remember going home that night and walking back into the house. To the left of the door was her swing. On the couch, there was a forgotten hair bow and pair of socks. In the kitchen sink, bottles waited to be washed. In her room, her crib with the pink sheet was empty.(more…)
I woke up feeling angsty today. I am not quite sure why I would feel that way after a fun filled weekend with friends and family, but I did. I didn’t plan on writing this post today, but with my current mood, it just seemed right.
This morning, I quickly finished up a few things for work, picked up some Starbucks and now I am sitting in front of a beautiful lake and a blank page. I guess it is now or never…
This is my seventh post of eight in our adoption story blog series. As always, please get caught up and subscribe to my email list. If you wouldn’t mind, if this blog has meant something to you, would you consider sharing my blog on Facebook or on another social media outlet? I apologize for the shameless plea, but my hope is that this story will find its way to those out there that need to hear it. And that requires some sharing. Thanks guys!
To pick up where we left off, we had just gone to bed on day 19 of 20.
I certainly woke up feeling anxious that following morning. It was the weekend in between celebrating Jack’s birthday and Christmas. Every year, we celebrate Christmas over three days- starting on the 23rd. If we were going to be giving BabyG back to her birthmom, I wanted it to happen on one of these “in between” days. Since Jack’s party was over, we were now in that time pocket. The anxiety continued to escalate. (more…)
Happy Friday, everyone! As always, please get caught upbefore reading this post. Also, please make sure to subscribe by email if you would like to be reminded of posts.
As a little housekeeping note- there will be two more posts in this series after this one. I didn’t realize how much I had to cover, but I am so thankful I have been able to process and write about each step. It has been a little hard going back and if I am being honest, I am ready to move on from this chapter of our story. However, I know in the future, I will be glad that I finished strong. It has been a healing exercise to work through for both Justin and me.
In my last post, we had just signed the release papers and left the hospital with BabyG. The ride home was a bit solemn as we processed everything we had just witnessed at the hospital. We were both lost in thought as the car rounded the curves of the road as we headed home. She slept almost the entire 2.5 hours, with a quick stop to feed her. (more…)
Generous and Divine Trinity,
We give thanks for the presence
Of our holy brothers and sisters.
We give thanks that you created the world,
Though it turned from your ways.
We give thanks that you began a people
To bless this world,
Though it did not always bless.
We give thanks, with greatest reverence,
For the gift of your Son Jesus Christ,
Who indeed blessed the world.
Thanks be to God for the signs and glory of
The Lamb of God. (more…)
Happy Wednesday, everyone! As always, pleaseget caught up before reading this post. Also, please make sure to subscribe by email (on your right) if you would like to be reminded of posts.
In my last post, I shared how “our” baby girl was born. It was such a life-changing moment and although she is no longer with us, I will sincerely remember that day with fondness. From here on out, I will just refer to her as BabyG (girl).
The story continues….
We had created a specific birth and hospital-stay plan with our facilitator beforehand. In it, we agreed that Justin and I would primarily care for the baby and that we would have her in our room overnight. We also included some special time with just the baby and her birthmom.
On paper, all of this sounded pretty straightforward to me. But in real life, the cast of characters are real people going through some very complex emotions. I wouldn’t describe the time in the hospital as a negative experience in any way. It was just intense. (more…)
Welcome to the fourth installment of our adoption story blog series. If you’ve missed my previous posts, feel free to get caught up. And if you haven’t already, be sure to subscribe on my email list so you don’t miss a post.
*Just an FYI; any pictures of the baby will be blurred to protect the privacy of our birthmom and her family.
Before I dive into this week’s post, I just want to thank you all for being so supportive of my writing. Many of you have left beautiful comments. Some of you have pulled me aside in person and thanked me for writing. I know there is a lot to read on the internet right now and I am humbled and grateful that you have taken a few moments to listen to our story.
And as I said before, I think (and hope) you may find some of your own stories in these paragraphs. The road looks different for each of us, but I think if we sat down and we were honest, we would see that that there are some moments we share that are just innately human– the feeling of a first love, the sound of a child’s laugh, the hug of an old friend, the smell of a favorite meal, a memory that will always sting, and the crushing sense of loss. If I am able to capture even a fraction of how these moments change us individually and unite us collectively, I feel like I have accomplished what I set out to do. (more…)
Welcome to the third post in our adoption story series. If you haven’t read the firstand second ones, please stop and get caught up! This week is full of pictures and memories.
I have been putting off writing this post all week. I think it is because it is hard to remember the “in-betweens” of life. I remember the high of the phone call and the match meeting as if it happened moments ago and I remember the spinning sensation of our grief when we lost her, but it is that time in between that is lost. It is the moments between the climb and the fall, the inhale and the exhale, and the loving and losing that get swept up in the shuffle of it all. It is the ordinary, mundane and the daily things that get passed by. (more…)