Adoption Series #1- The Call

AdoptionStoryWeb

The Call

In 2010, our doctor told us that in order to have children we would either need to do IVF or adopt. 

Our decision was a tough one as we immediately each picked a different side of the fence.  I could write an entire post about that decision (in fact I probably will), but during that time, we went to an adoption information meeting at a center that facilitates open adoptions.  We ended up going with the IVF route at that time, but the paperwork from that meeting still sat in my file cabinet in a file titled “Adoption.”

file

Fast forward four years later.  After our miscarriage, we decided we had had enough of the shots, appointments, medicine and so much loss.  Even though we had 6 embryos left from our IVF round that we knew we would transfer eventually, we almost effortless decided that we wanted to take a break and experience some joy and healing by adopting a baby.  I mean- it would be a sure thing, right? It was a dream come true for both of us, but especially Justin.  He had dreamed of adopting a child for as long as he could remember. 

I got out that file and we gave them a call.  Within a few months, we filled out the application, paid the fees and wrote our “Dear Birthmom” letter.  I can still remember Justin and I sitting on the couch with our computers and Google Docs.  We spent a few hours, trying to come up with just the right words to describe our family and how we longed for this child.  When we dropped off the letter, I felt like I was dropping off a little piece of my heart.  We were officially “on the list.” Our profile was being shown to birthmoms and we were just waiting for the right one to pick us. 

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We were waiting for the phone to ring.

We would finally find our baby.

On a warm night in October, I wrote these words.  I haven’t shared them with anyone until now:

It is 11:09 pm.  Jack is asleep in his bed.  Justin is out in the living room assembling Jack’s new dresser.  Penny [dog] is asleep on the bed.  Zoey [dog] (just about a week out of leg surgery) is somewhere in the house.  It is dark outside.  It is a humid night.  Another random heat wave when we San Diegans are longing for Fall.  I just showered and I am sitting on my bed with my computer finally in my lap.  It is a day where you have to stop and write.  I want to record every little piece of today so that it doesn’t get swept up in the excitement.  There is something holy and sacred about today.  And that should be remembered.  The date is 10/6/2014.

That Monday morning started out pretty normal.  Jack slept in a little bit.  It was the day after our “Oktoberfest” celebration with my brother David and his wife, Beth.  It was the first year we didn’t actually go to the fest because it was a million degrees.  I remember talking with Beth about how much I wanted the phone to ring.  This summer was such a time of healing.  But the 4 miscarriages we had suffered had left a hole in my heart and my arms were still empty.  We talked about her pregnancy and how she wondered what it would be like to have two kids.  I tried to remember I was in the same boat, but a phone call seemed a million miles away.  For now, we were a family of three and it was hard to imagine anything else.  So all that to say- Jack slept in after a late night.

Jack walked in sleepily and asked to watch a show.  I work from home and had a call at nine, so we started Mickey Mouse Road rally and we all laughed and snuggled in bed for a bit. 

Justin looked over at me and said “It is going to be a GREAT day George.”  This was phrase we had started saying this summer.  I heard once while Jack was watching his favorite show, “Curious George”.  The Man with the Yellow hat said it to George and I remember wishing someone could tell me the same thing as earnestly and sincerely as he said it; It must have been a Sad Day.  So I told Justin how it made me feel and he often would say it to me.  It was a special thing to get us through the Sad Season.  But today really WAS going to be a great day.

I spent the morning in some frustrating work calls, so I ended up calling my old manager.  I was venting to her about a few things and shared my struggles as a working mom.  I told her, “We are adopting and I could get a call any second.” 

As I prepared to hang up the phone with her, I noticed a call was coming in.  We had only been on “the list” for a short 76 days, but our hearts had been waiting for years.  I saw the number on my screen and called out for Justin and Jack.  I tried to switch over the calls.  In my frenzy, I hung up.  Of course.  Really?  Let’s get it together.

Luckily, without too much wait, the phone rang again.

The boys ran back and crowded around me near the back of the house.  We huddled around the phone and started walking down the hall in a nervous sort of way.  “Hi Bonnie….Is Justin there with you?  I wanted to call to let you know that a birthmom wants to meet you…”

I heard myself say, “Jack someone is calling us about our baby!”  I heard him scream, “YAY” over and over.  I am very confident that he had no idea what was going on.  But we did.  And he felt it.  So we all did. 

And so there we were in that long hallway in our house- the one that I walk down every day to do laundry or shuffle through as I make my way to the kitchen for a snack.  And now, 6 months later, if I am quiet and still, I can travel back and press the “pause” button during those few seconds in the hallway.    And I could look at the statue of the three of us.  I can see our faces, full of hope and inexpressible joy.  It is as if we are saying it with our hands, our eyes, and the way we seem to be running towards what was next, but can’t get there fast enough. It is as if we are screaming to the world, “There is beauty here!  We just found it.” 

I think here, in this weary world, we all only get a few moments like that.  They aren’t up for the taking that often.  But on that hot Monday in October, we drank it in.

13 Comments

13 Comments on Adoption Series #1- The Call

  1. Mikki Volz says:

    Loved this entry about “The Call”, Bonnie! Thank you for your beautiful writing….it helps us all to be aware of those beautiful, dazzling moments that enter our lives, usually without any announcement. But, later, they stand as a lasting, formidable memory in our lives. You painted the picture of that dazzling moment with Justin, Jack and you in your hallway so well. I pray for some exquisitely beautiful and more permanent moments of joy for you in this next year, my dear daughter!

  2. Christina says:

    You are a beautiful writer! I was drawn into this story as if I was there. You have a gift, that is for sure. Prayers for you as you continue to unfold your story for others to read.

  3. Katie Wilson says:

    Your Mom is so right….this is such a beautifully written portrait of “that moment”….a moment I know all too well. Hold on to that promise and that joy, dear Bonnie. I am convinced that through the sharing of our stories, God means for us to bring healing and hope to many more people. Love you so much!

  4. Darla Kuper says:

    Bonnie this was amazing! God has given you the gift of sharing your heart through writing. You journey has been such a part of my prayer life. I love you sweet girl and you are getting a hug! Can you feel it? Lol

  5. Amber Morales says:

    Bonnie! I love your raw honesty. I read this twice tears in my eyes. I pray for your family to become four and hope you find healing in this blog. You truly are a beautiful writer! Thank you for sharing.

  6. Peggy says:

    What a gift you have with words, Bonnie! I can’t wait to see what God is going to do and how he will bless you and your family

  7. Julie Van Bibber says:

    I am brought into this moment with you. As I saw on your FB post, there are 2 more blogs and I am drawn to read them with an open heart. I feel like I am getting a unique glimpse into your life and I am enjoying every minute of it. But, right now I am going to pray for you! Although I do not know how this will end, I know that you can be covered in prayer.

    Dear Lord,

    Draw Bonnie and Justin to you in a way that their heart beats in sync with yours. May they rely wholly on you as you sustain, bless, challenge,and uphold them, You are our rock of refuge to which we can always go! Lord, thank you for your nearness, and for the beauty of your Word. Though deep valleys are very painful, may they take each opportunity to reflect upon you. May their true joy be found in the work Christ did on the cross on their behalf. This act of love and redemption is incomprehensible. Thank you for your thoughts toward the Kent family, that they are more numerous than the sand. I am reminded of Psalm 40, especially verse 5. May this be an encouragement through every storm.

    1 I waited patiently for the LORD;
    he inclined to me and heard my cry.
    2 He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
    out of the miry bog,
    and set my feet upon a rock,
    making my steps secure.
    3 He put a new song in my mouth,
    a song of praise to our God.
    Many will see and fear,
    and put their trust in the LORD.

    4 Blessed is the man who makes
    the LORD his trust,
    who does not turn to the proud,
    to those who go astray after a lie!
    5 You have multiplied, O LORD my God,
    your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us;
    none can compare with you!
    I will proclaim and tell of them,
    yet they are more than can be told.

    6 In sacrifice and offering you have not delighted,
    but you have given me an open ear.a
    Burnt offering and sin offering
    you have not required.
    7 Then I said, “Behold, I have come;
    in the scroll of the book it is written of me:
    8 I delight to do your will, O my God;
    your law is within my heart.”

    9 I have told the glad news of deliveranceb
    in the great congregation;
    behold, I have not restrained my lips,
    as you know, O LORD.
    10 I have not hidden your deliverance within my heart;
    I have spoken of your faithfulness and your salvation;
    I have not concealed your steadfast love and your faithfulness
    from the great congregation.

    11 As for you, O LORD, you will not restrain
    your mercy from me;
    your steadfast love and your faithfulness will
    ever preserve me!
    12 For evils have encompassed me
    beyond number;
    my iniquities have overtaken me,
    and I cannot see;
    they are more than the hairs of my head;
    my heart fails me.

    13 Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me!
    O LORD, make haste to help me!
    14 Let those be put to shame and disappointed altogether
    who seek to snatch away my life;
    let those be turned back and brought to dishonor
    who delight in my hurt!
    15 Let those be appalled because of their shame
    who say to me, “Aha, Aha!”

    16 But may all who seek you
    rejoice and be glad in you;
    may those who love your salvation
    say continually, “Great is the LORD!”
    17 As for me, I am poor and needy,
    but the Lord takes thought for me.
    You are my help and my deliverer;
    do not delay, O my God!

    We love you Lord Jesus,
    AMEN

  8. Susan says:

    IVF is a bit expensive. This should be planned accordingly and several aspects should be considered. Well, both husband and wife should collaborate with the process in decision making.

4Pingbacks & Trackbacks on Adoption Series #1- The Call

  1. […] the second installment of my blog series on our adoption story!  Hopefully, you were able to catch the first story about how we started the adoption process and the moment we got our match […]

  2. Bonnie Kent says:

    […] to the third post in our adoption story series.  If you haven’t read the first and second ones, please stop and get caught up!  This week is full of pictures and […]

  3. […] a previous post, I explained the feeling we had when we got our match call in the hallway.  This was very different, but also very much the same.  It was one of those […]

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